Dear God,

Thank you so much for all that You have done for me the last few days.  My son, with whom I hadn't spoken for months, arrived at my home in the suburbs of Burbank and apologized for being the shit that he was.  We had iced tea and frolicked in the ideal of a mother-son relationship.  On top of that, You gave me a raise at Barnes & Noble.  Why have You suddenly turned the other Cheek and blessed me so?

Sincerely yours,
Grateful in Burbank

Dear Gracious,

You've made a mistake.  Listen carefully.

I, personally, had nothing to do with those recent events.  Even though I'm the Master of the Universe, you can't attribute everything to Me.  Take your life, for instance.  I had no Plans for you to be born, but it happened anyway.  Hell, I didn't even know until you just sent me the letter, I'm ashamed to admit.

As for your raise, ask yourself this: is it actually a good thing?  That raise, if anything, will silk screen you into the corporate machine of Barnes & Noble, and once that's accomplished, you will be forever veiled under their air of mystery.  For most people, that's good.  But I have doubts about its affects on you.

Also, I'm killing your son later this week.

Thanks for the thanks.  It's been a pleasure working with you.

God

Comments

how sad Written by Guest on 2004-05-12 13:03:32 How sad that we can be so flip with the creator of the universe and the one who sustains all.

fuck yeah Written by Guest on 2004-05-13 08:33:09 YOU KICK ASS GOD!

re: fuck yeah Written by Guest on 2004-05-13 22:11:15 no, God kicks YOUR ass.

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