The balloons!  The parades!  We're gonna unleash a litter of kittens into the crowds just to butter them up!  It's gonna be great!  My approval rating will jump 10 points!  I'll be all over CNN!  Oh my God!

I think I'll go for a black jacket!  That'll look good with, say, a red tie.  But what if Kerry wears a red tie?  Okay, then a blue tie!  I like blue!  I need my asthma medication, Honey.  Bring it here: ah, good.  Nice and relaxed.  Whoo!  Them were crazy moments, weren't they?  It's always a li'l suprising when I lose my head like that.

You know, I was driving down the highway last night, coming from a speech at the marshmallow factory--those people are real hard workers, you know?  And I love marshmallows--when I realized, all of a sudden, that the guy driving in front of me was an American!  And the guy behind me!  The woman barrelling ahead at 78 mph--she's an American too!  And we're all friends in this great land of America!

Well, I was so emotional about this sudden surge of infinite patriotism, which was aided by some John Williams in the background, that I pulled over to the curb to think about that for a moment.  It was truly beautiful.  Eventually, a nice police-man came over, thinking I was in trouble.  He came up to the window, and me, squinting from his super-bright headlights took out my ID.  He asked, "Hey, John Edwards, why you crying here on the side of the highway, and all alone?"  And I said, "Because I love America!"  For a moment he looked unbelieving, so I continued, flipping my head from side to side: "I just love it that much, I do!"

Well let me tell you how MUCH I love America.... at tomorrow's convention!

Hmm, I hope I can take a poop tonight.  I've been terribly constipated with anticipation.  It's been two months!

Your friend, John Edwards.

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