Sirs:

Is it normal to feel a sort of tenderness toward the Happy Embryo, seeing as by our puritanical standards it is not old enough for “sexually mature” people to engage in a relationship with it? In other words, do I share this emotion with anyone else? If so, what are their names, and where do they live? Aside from whether or not my feelings are right, is it even possible for us to get together?

Sincerely,

Perplexed in Pennsylvania

Dear Perplexed:

It is not normal to harbor lustful feelings toward Happy Embryo; the only “normal” reactions are “peace with the universe” and “general embryonic retardedness.” Regarding your second question: no, not to our knowledge. Regarding your fourth question: no, it is not possible. You are too big.

—Eds.