Above: Resident Self-Talkerr

Residents of Trojan Hall have reported more sightings today of the character they call "The Self-Talker." The last time he was seen was yesterday, when he perused the hallways of Trojan Hall, forcefully entering dorm rooms, and talking about himself. Today, he seems to be up to the same antics.

"My roommate and I were playing a round of Army Ops across the LAN, when this guy appears out of nowhere, invites himself into our room, and starts talking about his personal problems," reported Samuel, a resident of Trojan Hall. "I don't mind a guy getting to meet people, but really, he could have introduced himself first."

But Sam wasn't alone. Kelley, who resides at 837 Trojan Hall, right next door to Sam, was also attacked by the loquacious fiend. "He seemed like an alright guy, I guess. There's just a limit to how much you can hear about someone's girlfriend and still care."

Other residents were not so forgiving. One called the LAPD after being accosted in the hallway. A transcript from the 911 call reads: "This 911, how can we help you? Yes? Calm down, sir. You say there's a man who attacked you? What do you mean 'not exactly'? Indecent? Okay, we'll send someone right ov-- It's okay, sir, we're right on it. Just finish your ricecake and settle down." When asked about his experience, however, the student wouldn't comment, but did spill crumbs on himself in the act of remembering his trauma.

	A student traumatized by the self-talker

Still, it's a good thing he called. Since the report, the LAPD has searched through its archives to find a trail of self-talking crimes. They all began, according to the report, two years ago with the entrance of the class of 2006. These reports seem to occur only during semesters and only when students live on campus. Similarly, long stretches of several days have gone by without a reporting, which officers attribute to "vacation days" for the fiend.

But the question on residents' minds is "Will he strike again?" "Frankly, we don't care," replied LAPD President Manuel Rosales.

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