ACT II

Scene 7

FADE from BLACK onto a picture of WITZ soundly sleeping.  Pan out to reveal WITZ on the floor again.  He gets up.

CUT to WITZ exiting his room, looking for his parents.  He finds a note on the kitchen table next to a half-completed crossword that says his parents went to Darby’s. (OUT FOR LUNCH WITH DARBYS.) WITZ grins.

WITZ goes to his room again, turns on his stereo, and re-emerges with a video camera.  He searches around his living room, finding a place to hide it.  At some point, he tries hiding on top of a bookshelf, sits where his mother sits, but is disappointed to find his camera to be very conspicuous.  He suits himself by hiding it behind a shelf of books by moving all the books comically to the edge of the shelf, where a couple end up falling when his back is turned and he has to replace them.

DAD
Anyone home?  Hey, WITZ.  Whatcha doin?  Findin’ some readin’ material?

WITZ
Yeah.

Mother enters the room and takes the book from his hand.

MOM
Why are you reading this?  (holds Bad Behavior)

WITZ
Oh, it’s good, right?

MOM
I guess. (gives WITZ quizzical look)

Mother takes other book off shelf and goes to read it.  WITZ, afraid of getting caught, sighs with relief when she doesn’t discover the camera.

WITZ
Well, I’m gonna go to Brill’s.

MOM
Dad’s shooting skeet today, so we’ll probably be at the Bowers’ pretty late. Just order a pizza. There are some coupons for Pizza Hut on the fridge.

Scene 8

WITZ rings the doorbell of Brill’s house.  He answers.

BRILLIARD
What the hell are you doing here? (Brill looks awful)

WITZ
I- well, I- How are you doing?

BRILLIARD
I’m okay.  Though I think I’ve finally figured out why my entire life I-

WITZ
You wanna come?

BRILLIARD
Where?

WITZ
I don’t know.  Out.

BRILLIARD
Sure, just give me a moment. (Exits)

SCENE 9.

WITZ is driving.  Neither WITZ nor Doug is speaking.

CUT to WITZ.

WITZ fantasizes to the song “Everyday” as performed by Don McLean:

WITZ walks down the hallways again, slowly pulling off his sweater.
When he reaches the archway, the camera finds his mother reading.

WITZ
So--

MOM
So.

WITZ lays across the ottoman sexily.

WITZ
What do you think?

CUT to BRILLIARD looking out window.

BRILLIARD
Wanna go to your house?

WITZ
My house?  Um, sure.

SCENE 10.

WITZ and BRILLIARD walk in.

WITZ
I have to go to the bathroom.

BRILLIARD
Alright.

WITZ exits to the bathroom.  BRILLIARD looks around and opens a cabinet, but looks disappointed.

CUT to another cabinet.  Doug’s hand reaches in takes a few bottles indiscriminately.  Doug closes the cabinet just as WITZ walks in with his zipper down by mistake.

CUT to wide shot of WITZ and Brill, with large bulges in his pants.

WITZ
Man, I didn’t expect that to take so long.  We ran out of toilet paper.

BRILLIARD
I didn’t- oh yeah.  That happens.

WITZ
I hope it never happens again.

BRILLIARD
Naturally.

PAUSE

WITZ
Maybe-

SCENE 11.

CUT to shot of WITZ dropping BRILLIARD off at his house and speeding away.