Wednesday, 31 March 2004
 As Jefferson perused the dormitory hallway, he found several potential candidates, but none of them fit his ideal perfectly. As a perfectionist, Jefferson held his hopes until he came upon the perfect dorm room: room 218. Here was an architecture student, feverishly doting over his latest house model.
“Howdy, Li. Whatcha doin’?” asked Jefferson politely.
Silence.
“Li?” Jefferson repeated.
Silence.
Jefferson realized at this point that Li was listening to some radio on his headphones, so he screamed his name out again. Still silence. So fed up, Jefferson walked over to Li to remove his headphones for his person.
“Ohhh, hey, Jefferson,” Li said surprised.
“You didn’t hear me”? inquired Jefferson.
“No, must’ve been listening to my music.” Li then took his CD player out and held it up to Jefferson. The LCD panel read “Track 01, 0:03,” ticking away.
“Uh, hey, I was wondering if I could use your TV. You up with that?”
Li hesitated. “Uh, I guess.”
“Great!” Jefferson exclaimed cheerfully. He ran over to the television and turned it on to the new Fox show “Wonderfalls”
For five minutes, Li struggled to glue on one piece of sytrofoam drywall while Jefferson snorted arhythmically to the show’s biting comedy.
“Jefferson, could you—uh—turn it down a little?” Li requested.
Jefferson was taken aback. “Uh, sure…” He then changed the volume level from 24 to 23 as his host-ward glance proclaimed, “What’s up your ass?”
Li finally glued on the Styrofoam piece. Satisfied, he went up to the kitchenette to get himself a glass of water. His motions were not lost on Jefferson, who called out to him while still staring at the television intently, “Hey, could you get me some animal crackers?”
“Animal crackers? I don’t think I have an.. oh, here’s some.” Li reached deep into the cabinet to retrieve a crumpled, half-depleated bag of animal crackers. He sat it next to Jefferson on the couch and reseated himself at his desk.
Jefferson dove his hand greedily and haphazardly into the bag, making an obnoxious noise that irritated Li, who had turned away. It was at this point that Li recalled seeing him sneeze into those hands moments before, wiping the phlegm on the couch’s armrest. He shuddered.
“What’s up with this? No icing?” Jefferson snarled.
“These aren’t iced animal crackers.”
“This won’t do. Here.” Jefferson thrust the bag on animal crackers into Li’s desk, knocking over a bottle of glue. Thankfully, it was closed. “Can’t you get some iced ones?”
Li held himself so calmly he even surprised himself. “No, the store’s closed.”
“Oh, well just melt some ice cream on them, then,” Jefferson suggested.
Jefferson hit the snooze on his alarm clock, but was too restless to fall asleep again. Next to his alram were several half-eated animal crackers, since stained brown. Jefferson ignored the crackers ,got himself out of bed, and walked over to the bathroom stalls, looking forward to his morning routine of shitting, brushing his teeth, and washing his hands. But as he sat down on the toilet, the sound of dripping water interrupted his routine. He sat up to inspect the sound when he felt a warm liquid run down his left thigh. He touched it lightly with his middle finger. As the muffled sound of his alarm setting off again filtered into the cramped bathroom stall, Jefferson put the finger to his tongue.
Standing there with his pants at his ankles, Jefferson looked displeased. He looked at his moist finger. "Er, chocolate."
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Written by admin on 2004-03-31 17:59:54
Our creepiest story yet. | I'd like to point out an inaccuracy.
Written by Richie501 on 2004-03-31 18:17:50
I never heard any "dripping water."
Mickey | Hello
Written by Guest on 2004-03-31 18:27:59
I was just thinking... what? | whoa, rich
Written by Guest on 2004-04-01 01:57:04
I thought you had.
Speaking of, have to hit that snooze BUTTON in an hour. Thanks for the reminder, remainder of happiness.
And joyous April Fools and all that.
- gl |
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