The so-called “pro-choice” movement, founded by high-school junior Rick Mortana, has been active for a little over a year now.  “I was reading some articles on the internet, and realized that hypothetical women out there weren’t given a choice,” Rick told reporters from his senior English classroom.  “So I was, like, determined to fight for them.  Who’d’ve thought so many college students would be so gung-ho for it?  They make it official!”

The pro-choice movement has exploded in numbers in the last 12 months, with over 10,000 webpages created in the short time to call for funding.  Over 800 college campuses have since formed pro-choice organizations, and the “Fight for Women’s Lives Campaign” has been growing in numbers. 

Abortion has even become a presidential campaign issue.  John Kerry has publicly vowed to fight for women’s choice.  Upon hearing the news, Rick conceded on his weblog, “I never thought it was that important.”

	Students just couldn't agree on who's slogan was most creative

But the rally last week didn’t seem to have the direction its organizers had hoped for.  Spectators noted that the rambunctious college crowd sung so many inventive chants that none was ultimately intelligible.  Rally-supporter Joshua Ginsberg confirmed the cacophony, telling reporters, “I don’t know what everyone else is saying.  MY chant is by far the best out there.  Come on, do you think ‘No, no we won’t go, Bush kills women just for show’ can compete against, ‘2, 3, 4, 5 keep abortion rights alive?’  Those Boston College kids are so stupid.”  When confronted on the horrible irony of his chant, Ginsberg passed off reporters, insisting, “No, it really isn’t.”  He then went on a lengthy diatribe about abortion, women’s lives, and how ‘life’ has yet to be defined for the fetus; ergo, keeping abortion rights ‘alive’ is not a twist on ‘killing’ fetuses, even though life is used figuratively in the former sense.  Most reporters stared at Ginsberg blank-faced.  His friend Melissa broke the silence: “Go Brandeis!”

The terrifying sound of shrieking, self-righteous college-students lasted for four hours.  Perhaps the most horrible aspect was that every once in a while, a syllable of one chant could be heard over the others, only to be replaced by another chant altogether.  Trains of thought frequently collided in equally horrible explosions.  Fortunately, no students were injured because they were all heavily sheltered, metaphorically speaking.

Thomas Carpenter, a professor of culture at Ohio University, in Athens, provided some guidance to horrified onlookers: “These kids have to make meaning of the world around them.  Ergo, they make primitive chants to support their cause in a way that won’t make them truly contemplate the nature of the issue.  President Bush does it all the time.”

Reporters interviewed James Corner, another protester from MSU.  When asked about how he hopes to help the world, Corner assertively acknowledged, "This, duh!"  When later asked if he had volunteered to help others in humbler ways, he replied confidently, "Well, you know.  In high school we did some for NHS.  Oh, and last semester...[he whispered to his friend] that counts as volunteer service, right?"  Corner turned to reporters: "Of course I have!"

The evening ended as the college students grew hungry and ordered pizza to be delivered at their dorm rooms.

Comments

Written by Guest on 2004-04-29 14:36:13 I feel so special!    -jardude

I can't believe it Written by Guest on 2004-04-29 22:29:21 I will use this post to make a political statement because that way I have asserted that I exist. And that I have an opinion.

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